Your child looks upto you for all his needs, including emotional, mental and psychological ones. Being able to adapt, having a healthy approach to problems and staying calm through it all are positive traits of good parent-child harmony. Here are simple ways in which you can encourage your kid to be a problem solver.
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable
Parents are role-models for kids and your child will imitate your approach to life or rebel and find his/her own way to deal with everything. Be soft and sure in your approach and avoid being too bossy or critical. Keep your language clear and make use of positive words rather than using tags and labels such as “bad boy/girl”, “mischief-maker”, “useless” as these become their inner voice and they often end up defining themselves through such feedback. Avoid physically hitting them or throwing things when you’re edgy or angry as that’s how children learn to throw tantrums, being dramatic and ways of violence.
Your little one is learning the ways of adapting to the various stimuli in this big world so be gentle and see mistakes as a positive sign as room for learning and growth. Instead of saying, “That’s a stupid drawing!” rephrase your feedback as “You can do better than this. I believe in you”. Also avoid attaching moral values to everything your child does, for instance, “You’re a bad child as you made a mess during playtime”. Instead build your child’s character with statements like “You’re a responsible child and i’m sure you can put back your toys where they belong.” Creating fear of not being a good person is not constructive and could destroy your child’s self-esteem.
Encourage your child to speak up and just say whatever’s on their mind without any fear of judgement, ridicule, punishment or hesitation. This helps them be strong and courageous enough to solve their own problems – be it requesting teachers or seeking their help, making new friends, dealing with bullies, walking to school from home and back on their own among other daily routines which are part of growing up. One of the best ways to encourage independence and autonomy is to let your child help you around the house and greet guests, make them feel welcome and comfortable, serving tea, snacks and other good manners.
Take it Easy
As a parent you could find yourself frustrated as you juggle between home and work lives. Children are emotional sponges so stay calm through chaos and take it easy. Your calm and sensible approach to problems will inspire them to do the same v/s your nagging, cribbing or harsh attitude in face of crisis. Dropping things, breaking toys, ruining the living room or not being very organized are all part of childhood. See it as a process where your child’s butter fingers are still gaining a strong grip over objects. Remember these inanimate objects can be easily replaced so put your child’s care first in face of such small accidents. Look for your strengths rather than faults and imperfections even in simple things such as your child not being good at studies or coloring outside the lines. Take it easy as your child is still finding their feet and needs you as a friend, confidante and parent and not as a lecturer on perfectionism. Include digital breaks, meditation, walks in natural environs and yoga to get into this zone.
Which are some of the ways in which you encourage your child to be a problem solver? Share your views with us and get featured on the blog.